


If I Fall

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-02
Updated: 2006-04-02
Packaged: 2018-08-16 00:10:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8079307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Malcolm faces his greatest challenge—himself. (01/07/2003)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Spoilers, 2.03 "Minefield."  
  
Beta: sweet_subbie, Kalita, and Redhead  
  
This is based around the song "Let Me Fall" by Josh Groban (Corcoran/Benoit), off his album _Josh Groban._  


* * *

> Let me fall  
> Let me climb  
> There's a moment when fear  
> And dreams must collide

He stares down into the depths, watching the blue shade become darker the further away from him it goes. A vast expanse of water stretches before him, the rhythmic siren's song of the waves beckoning to him. This is a water planet, very little land. Not a place for an aquaphobic to take shore leave—and yet he has no choice. Doctor's orders. He snorts, wondering if the doctor knows that he is causing more stress, not relieving it.

> Someone I am  
> Is waiting for courage  
> The one I want  
> The one I will become  
> Will catch me

Still, the water beckons, whispering of the peace to be found in her embrace. The utter calm of being able to drift, uncaring of the world around him. He longs to feel that embrace, to feel her caress him like a cherished lover. Yet, as he moves forward, he feels the icy hands of her alter ego grip him, a reminder that water can be a coffin of death as well as a cradle of life.

> So let me fall  
> If I must fall  
> I won't heed your warnings  
> I won't hear them

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and focusing on anything but those hands around his chest and throat. He wants to do this, to shed this last tie to the planet-bound man he'd been. A year in deep space, of seeing others overcome their fears to become more than they had been, has convinced him. It is time for him to do the same.

> Let me fall  
> If I fall  
> Though the phoenix may  
> Or may not rise

Slowly, he walks forward, crossing the boundary to where the sand and the waves exchange kisses. The hands try to stop him again, but he ignores them. He will be reborn in these waters, like a baptism of old. The man he had been will be washed away, a new man taking his place.

> I will dance so freely  
> Holding on to no one  
> You can hold me only  
> If you too will fall  
> Away from all these  
> Useless fears and chains

The water covers his feet and then retreats, as if she is hesitant to accept him as a lover. He moves forward still, not letting her hesitation affect him. If they both shy away, then all will be lost.

> Someone I am  
> Is waiting for my courage  
> The one I want  
> The one I will become  
> Will catch me

He looks down, seeing the shimmering reflection of himself. Odd, how that man looks more at home in the water than he himself does. The gray-blue eyes of the other hold no fear, no memory of the times he has tried this before, only to find his fears were stronger than his will. No, those eyes held reassurance and a promise that he would be there. No matter what the outcome of the day was.

> So let me fall  
> If I must fall  
> I won't heed your warning  
> I won't hear

He watches those eyes and they gently lead him onward, a paternal counterpoint to the maternal embrace of the water, tenderly cocooning his body in her warm arms. They melt the ice at heart and throat, freeing him from the tethers of dirt and sand and space. For him, this is the last frontier to explore—his own fears. The other man and the water wait, knowing this is his choice to make. He is the one who has to return with his shield or upon it, as the ancient warriors would say. For he is a warrior, fighting himself. He takes a deep breath and leans back into the water, letting her support him as he lets go of his tenuous connection to the land. She rushes over him, caressing his face. He does not breathe.

> Let me fall  
> If I fall  
> There's no reason  
> To miss this one chance  
> This perfect moment  
> Just let me fall.

The water continues her flirtation with the shoreline, encouraging it to join her world. Overhead, birds dip and turn gracefully, paying homage to the one who provides their sustenance. On the shore, above the water line, the man from the reflection stands, watching as the sun burnishes the surface of his lover. He has dared to fall, and won. The warmth of truth has melted the ice of fear. He turns away, smiling. A thought crosses his mind, and he laughs out loud. A phrase used when an old earth monarch passed away, and the heir became the new ruler. In a way, it describes him perfectly at the moment—for the man who had walked into the water was not the same man that had walked out.

Malcolm Reed was dead. Long live Malcolm Reed.


End file.
